AHOJ
PRAHA!

Next Wednesday KB and myself will hop on a Czech
airlines flight to Prague for three days. Yay!
It's nice to have a change of scenery again.

Although the country is known for dozens of varieties
of beer (which I do not drink) I'm sure I will be
able to sample some local vínos! I will steer clear
of Absinthe though, I don't think I could
handle the headache the next day!

The weather over there is pretty much the same
as here with an added danger of snow so
hats, gloves and thermal socks are packed.

Also, my friend Heidi is arranging a work trip
for the same days so we will be able to meet
her as well! She has actually lived in the
city so some local knowledge will be handy.

It's doodlepip for now as I have to reserve
my energy so I'll be back next
week after the trip.

SIMON'S CAT

A cartoon of Simon Tofield's cat has become
one of the most-watched videos ever
posted on YouTube.

Hugh has become an internet celebrity after the
London-based illustrator focused his animations
on the antics of his cheeky feline friend.

He said: "I basically sat down one day and thought
I'd teach myself to use some new computer animation.
That morning Hugh, who was then a tiny kitten, had
been jumping all over me - pulling my ears and
scratching me, trying to wake me up for his breakfast.
So I decided to do a little film of a cat trying to wake
its owner. I made it up as I went along."

Over 45 million people are thought to have viewed
the videos in a little over a year, with Mr Tofield
being offered book deals as a result.

The Simon's Cat book was published in October
- and although Mr Tofield has not made
money from the YouTube hits, he describes
the book deal as "a dream come true".
He has also created a website and a
YouTube channel dedicated to his cat.

Mr Tofield said that it takes him six weeks
to create a minute and a half of animation,
and one week to do the sound.

He says the animations have a broad appeal
due to their slapstick, old fashioned comedy
values. "He's worked out how to twist me round
his paw," Mr Tofield admitted. I think a lot of
cat owners can relate to that."

SHOO!

This is funny!

A police camera has captured the moment
a cat became overly friendly (video) with a
Texas police officer while he was
writing a traffic ticket.

The footage caught by the patrol car's dashboard
camera shows a black cat clambering up and down
officer Keith Urban, until he finally
gently shoos it away.

Captain Don Georgens of the Taylor Police
Department said: "We see a lot of horrendous videos,
the officers go to all different types of calls,
to traffic accidents and things of that nature so
when we come across a video like this it
kind of helps with our humour
around the station."

100 YEARS ON
THE ROCKS

After a century buried in the Antarctic ice, a rare
batch of whisky which belonged to the polar explorer
Sir Ernest Shackleton is to be recovered.
So what will it taste like?

A team of New Zealand explorers heading out in January
has been asked by Whyte & Mackay, the company
that now owns Mackinlay and Co, to get a sample
of the drink. The two cases of "Rare Old" brand
Mackinlay and Co whisky were left behind by
Sir Ernest (below on the left) when he
abandoned his mission to the
South Pole in 1909.

The crates were discovered again by polar explorers
in 2006, but couldn't be removed as they were too
deeply embedded in ice. Now the team plans
to use special drills to rescue a sample.

A whisky can survive indefinitely and taste the same
if it is stored correctly. It should not be exposed to
light or heat, which change the colour and make
it fade. Most importantly the bottle should be
kept upright, unlike wine.

Alcohol erodes cork over time and whisky is about four
times stronger than wine so if it is in contact with the
cork it will damage it quickly. The vapour in the bottle
should be sufficient to keep the cork moist and
prevent it from drying out and air getting in.
If whisky is being stored for any length of time
you may have to wet the cork occasionally,
but even then only once or twice a year.

Extremely low temperatures, like those in the Antarctic,
will make the whisky cloudy, but this should fade
when it is warmed up, says David Stewart, a master
blender at distillers William Grant & Sons Ltd.
"If these bottles have been stored upright there
is every chance they will be drinkable," he says.

The fact the temperature will have been consistently low
will also work in the whisky's favour. Fluctuating
temperatures are worse because they cause the cork
to contract and expand, which could allow air in.

If the whisky is drinkable, experts say it will taste
different from what is on sale today as the "Rare Old"
brand of Mackinlay is not made any more. Also,
different casks are used to make whisky
now so it is blended differently.

"Whiskies back then - a harder age - were all quite
heavy and peaty as that was the style," says
Whyte & Mackay's master blender Richard Paterson.
If the team of explorers are unable to retrieve a full
bottle, they are hoping to use a syringe to extract
some of the contents. "We might get enough to
be able to take a stab at recreating it,"
says Mr Paterson.

NICE COLOURS
OF THE DAY

FRUITY
SKYLINE

London's skyline has been recreated using
fruit as part of a promotional campaign.

Photographer Carl Warner, famous for his foodscapes,
and a team of five model makers spent three weeks
crafting the scene using hundreds of pieces of fruit
and veg - all painstakingly glued together.

The Houses of Parliament are built from a mix of
asparagus, green beans and runner beans which
are mixed with baby sweetcorn to depict
the intricate stonework.

The Gherkin, found in the Square mile, is cunningly
crafted out of two types of melon and embedded
with green beans to highlight its
spiralling glass frames.

Nelson's column is cleverly constructed from a
cucumber, baby courgettes and a carrot with a
monkey nut and almond stuck on to it. Other
high profile London landmarks given a
makeover include The London Eye which
has green beans as spokes and its pods
made out of baby plum tomatoes.

It even features the Thames-side lampposts which
are made from onions wrapped in vanilla pods
for the lamps, asparagus for the posts and
mackerel for the ornate fishplinths.

The spire on St Paul's Cathedral (above) has been
given a fruity new look after it was created from
roundels of carrot, yellow and green courgette
and baby leeks. The famous dome has been made
using a melon, while the impressive columns
have been crafted out of baby sweetcorn.

Roopa Gulati from the Good Food channel, the
company who commissioned the work, said the
image represents how fruit and vegatables can
be used imaginatively in the diet.

He said ''This stunning image has quite literally
transformed the London skyline with good food
and it proves that fun with food in a creative
and light-hearted way is the way forward''.

SONNY THE
RECYCLER

A dog who picks up litter from a town’s streets
has been officially recognised for his
services to the community.

Sonny, a nine year old springer spaniel, has collected
rubbish since he was a pup before being taught to
dispose of it in recycling bins at his home.

During that time he has recovered hundreds of plastic
bottles, cans, wrappers and other refuse dropped
in Scunthorpe, Lincolnshire.

The local authority has now included him in its
annual environmental awards which
honour volunteers who keep their
neighbourhood clean.

His owners Sharon Smith and her husband Tony
accompanied him at North Lincolnshire council
chamber for the presentation. Sonny received
a frames certificate bearing his name,
a special rosette, a bag of plastic
toys and dog treats.

Mrs Smith said: “He is such a scavenger and he's
always picking up rubbish in the hope of finding
something edible. We taught him to put things
in the bin rather than ripping them to pieces
and it started to become a bit
of a game for him.”

The couple were issued with separate bins for recycling
two years ago. Ms Smith added: “Every time he goes for
a walk he brings back a can, plastic bottle, sandwich
wrapper or other bit of litter and when we get home
we ask him which bin it goes in and he drops it in
the right bin every time - unlike the rest of the
family. I knew springer spaniels were bright,
but the first time he did it we were
amazed, so I entered him for the
environment awards.”

DEMANDS

GETTING THERE

Remember the chilis I've been
growing since October 2007?

Well, they've finally produced some fruit! (See
arrows in the top pic) Three have already turned
red, another three are still white. They've been
a long time coming so it's nice to see the
plant eventually getting there!

Mr S's peppers are growing slowly but surely as well,
had to bring them indoors when the weather got
colder. They have been awfully slow though,
they should've been fully grown by
the end of September!

MMMMMMM!

It's not very often I get so excited about a chocolate,
or anything for that matter, that I travel
miles in search of it but sadly it
was the case this week.

I bought a bag of Delissia Strawberry Nougat
Whips from Poundland of all places (in Tooting),
purely on the basis that they sounded nice.

And boy, did they taste good!
Little whips of heaven.

So back I went the next day and found one more bag.
By now I'm addicted. Tragic, I know. I went back
again but they didn't have any. In my desperation
I hopped on a bus to Wandsworth but the
branch there didn't have any either.

Please tell me these weren't a one of and you're never
going to stock them again? Why is it whenever you
find something you really like whether it be a
shampoo or a lipstick or a chocolate ... they stop
either making it or selling it somewhere
where you go regularly? Hmph!

TIMBER!

We've just had the biggest storm of the year in the
UK and this is what happens when ones garden
is buffeted by 80 miles an hour winds:

The tree at the back crashed down taking some of
the fence with it. Luckily it fell sideways rather
than straight on the fence, it could've been
a lot worse. Our neighbour has kindly
promised to fix the damage
as well, thank you!

Now we just have to find a new home for the washing
line, the Clematis and the Virginia Creeper which are
still wrapped around the fallen trunk. It would be a
shame to waste them as they've been growing
for years and look beautiful.

GREETINGS FROM
EARL'S COURT

Yesterday me and KB defied the biggest storm
of the year so far and tubed it up to Earl's
Court for Discover Dogs 2009.

We got tickets from our Bergamasco friends Cindy
and Stuart (thank you!) and it was a
fantastic day out as usual.

Above from the top: Cindy and me (something was
obviously very funny!), Stuart and me, David and
Patricia Rolf with me and me with yet
another furry friend, a Portuguese
Podengo Pequeno called Jess.

We also popped over to see our Finnish Spitz friends
the Rolfe family, who have a new addition to
their 15 strong pack, a six month old
Hunaja (Honey) (below).

They brought her to the show, such a sweet little
thing! Salama (Lightning), their DD veteran,
was ever so protective of her although
she's not his pup. Bless!

Siggi gets wind of some chicken...

We got invited up to Crufts next year as well so
we'll you guys up in Birmingham!

KB has a video from the show in
her blog, check it out
HERE.

THE HOFF AND
ALEK

Now here's a sentence I never thought I'd
write...David Hasselhoff has been
interviewed a meerkat.

The Baywatch and Knight Rider star is the guest
on a new podcast presented by Aleksandr Orlov,
the Russian billionaire puppet made famous
in advertisments for price comparison
website, comparethemarket.com.

Aleksandr has over half-a-million fans on Facebook
and over 20,000 Twitter followers, and will
be interviewing celebrities ranging from
Hollywood actors to industry leaders
in his monthly "Meerchat" podcast.

David Hasselhoff said “I’ve heard so much about
Aleksandr - it was an honour to be the first
guest on his chat show. I‘ve always been
pretty big over in Moscow, but he’s
taking it to another level."

The pair discussed fame, beauty secrets (being
hairy), America's Got Talent and the tricky
subject of dealing with female attention.

Offering advice, David Hasselhoff told Aleksandr:
“You must remain aloof, you must remain single
because you are the ultimate meerkat of all time.
You must say your career is more important than
marriage and unfortunately you cannot
share your love only one person."

Aleksandr’s first podcast including the interview
with the Hoff will be available to download
from comparethemeerkat.com
and iTunes today.

NICE COLOURS
OF THE DAY

Lanterns are displayed during the Seoul
Lantern Festival 2009 at the Cheonggyecheon
stream. The spectacle showcases 1,000
lanterns from 20 counties.

I S*** YOU
NOT!

Usually when kids do "comedy" it's, well,
let's face it, crap. Not in this case.

E4's "School Of Comedy" has had me in stitches
every time I've watched it. These 12 to 16 year
olds are genuinely funny and
amazingly talented.

School of Comedy is a unique sketch show in which
the kids have their say, poking fun with an
adolescent depiction of the adult world.

After years of performing comedy at the Edinburgh
Fringe, Laura Lawson started an after school
club at a West London school with a regular
group of children, honing their talents week
on week and turning them into mini comedy
geniuses. The result is pure
entertainment gold.

There are no inadequate characters, unusually.
My favorites are the rude pub landlady Connie
(top pic above), The White Van Men, (the superb
Will Poulter (on the right middle pic) with Max
Brown) who shout at women from the safety of
their metal box but when faced with an actual
female don't know what to do and The Cabbie
(bottom pic above). "I shit you not!"

PIE

GRUMPY

In a bad mood? Don't worry - according
to research, it's good for you.

An Australian psychology expert who has been
studying emotions has found being grumpy
makes us think more clearly.

In contrast to those annoying happy types,
miserable people are better at decision-making
and less gullible, his experiments showed.

While cheerfulness fosters creativity, gloominess
breeds attentiveness and careful thinking,
Professor Joe Forgas told Australian
Science Magazine.

The University of New South Wales researcher
says a grumpy person can cope with more
demanding situations than a happy one
because of the way the brain "promotes
information processing strategies".

PINK

I love pink but this lady has taken
it to a whole new level!

Kitten Kay Sera, 46, wakes up everyday in her pink
bedroom, has breakfast in her pink kitchen, and
dresses in one of her many pink outfits. She
claims not to have worn any other colour
for more than 25 years.

The actress from Los Angeles, says she isn't strange.
She just has a natural affinity for the shade,
which makes her feel 'lovely and
luxurious' and happy.

"The colour pink makes me feel like I'm living a
lavish life. It's just a beautiful colour, so I
surround myself with any and everything pink.
I'm just drawn to it like a magnet," she said.

A permanent pink fixture in her life is
her four-year-old Maltese dog called
Kisses, who she dyes safely with
beetroot juice every five week.

BALDRICK

Oh, bless!

A bald baby hedgehog is being nursed back to full
prickliness after being abandoned by its mother
when it was born with almost no spikes.

The four-month-old creature, named Baldrick, was
bald apart from a few prickles when he was found
in a garden in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk.

He is now being looked after by John and
Tonia Garner at Foxy Lodge
Wildlife Rescue.

Mr Garner, 50, who is a signaller for Network Rail,
said Baldrick, who was named after Blackadder's
unlucky sidekick, is very unusual. "He's a bit of
a rarity," he said. "We've had 45 hedgehogs
altogether, but he's the first
one without any spikes."

Hedgehogs' wrinkly bodies normally have around
500 spikes, which protect them from predators
and the elements plus keep them warm. Until
he grows spikes, Mr Garner said releasing
Baldrick would be "pointless".

Mr Garner added: "There's no way he would
survive if he was released now. It would be like
releasing a polar bear which has just been
shorn like a sheep into the North Pole."

Each day the Garners clean Baldrick using antiseptic
scrub and massage baby oil into his body to soften
up his skin. They hope making his skin softer
will allow spikes to come through.

Mr Garner said Baldrick, one of 22 hedgehogs
currently being looked after by him and his
wife, was a bit of a character.

"Baldrick loves mealworms," he said. "As a treat,
he gets more than his fair share and would jump
through a hoop for one. You go into his room
and he will go up to the edge of the cage and
put his paw up. He's not satisfied until he gets
a few mealworms. He's quite a character."

He believes Baldrick was abandoned by his mother
when he was just weeks old. "I think the mother
suspected he would not survive and they're quite
ruthless in the wild. If one of the babies is not
keeping up it will be abandoned. Luckily,
Baldrick was found, otherwise he would
have been dead a long time ago."

When the hedgehog was brought to Foxy Lodge
at the age of about six weeks he weighed
240g, but is now up to about 800g.

The animal sanctuary was started up by Mr
and Mrs Garner in May and has had just under
180 animals through its doors, including a
lamb, bats, seagulls, barn owls and a kestrel.

If you would like to make a
donation the details are here.

SLOBBER
ALERT

Me and KB will make our annual trek to Earl's
Court next Saturday for the Kennel Club dog show
courtesy our Bergamasco friends Cindy and
Stuart, who, once again, have generously
given us tickets. Thank you C & S!

Some pics from couple
of years a ago in here.

AND THE WALL CAME
TUMBLING DOWN

It's twenty years today since the Berlin wall
came down. It feels like only yesterday I was
watching people on TV crying with joy as
they ran towards the freedom in the West.

Communist East Germany erected the 155-km (96-mile)
concrete barrier in 1961 to encircle West Berlin
and prevent citizens from fleeing into
the capitalist enclave.

At least 136 people are thought to have been
killed at the wall while trying to escape.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who grew up in
East Germany, is leading the celebrations marking
its end. She retraced her steps on the night the
wall fell by crossing what used to be the
Bornholmer Strasse checkpoint, the
first to open 20 years ago.

Ms Merkel was joined by former Soviet leader
Mr Gorbachev and Mr Walesa, the former Polish
trade union leader and later president,
whose movement was the first to challenge
Communist rule successfully in
Eastern Europe.

This interactive map shows where in the
world parts of the wall have ended up in.

MOAN OF THE
DAY

Question: do people really not realise how much space
they actually physically take? Or do they simply not
care? It's probably the latter knowing how
thick most of the general public
in this country is!

I am sick of people saying "sorry" to me all day long
when I go, for instance, to the supermarket. There
they are, trolleys plonked right in the middle of
the travelator (in our local supermarket the only
way down from the shop floor is down two
travelators) so nobody can get past. Or
standing side by side (the etiquette is a
single file, a bit like on the escalators
at a tube station) creating a block.

They may have all the time in the world to stand
gawping into the distance while inching down on
this slower-than-slow travel marvel but some
people might actually want to get on with it!

So here it comes: "Oh- sorry!" when you say
"Excuse me" to get past. Then they look at you
like you've just asked them to give
you their first born.

Or they have their trolley plonked right in the middle of
the aisle, sideways or course, when they've stopped
to chat on their mobile phone. Or their trolley is in
front of the shelf which you're trying to get to, while
they chat away with someone they've bumped
into, usually with a double buggy or two
and a screaming toddler running riot
thrown in for good measure.

I usually just stand there staring at them to see how
long it takes for them to move. "Oh- sorry!" If there
is no reaction after about 30 seconds I just crab the
trolley out of the way and say "EXCUSE ME!" very
loudly. Again the look is one of horror. Well, YOU
ARE IN THE WAY YOU IDIOTS, don't look
at me like I'm in the wrong.

My motto is "don't do something worth a
"sorry" in the first place", then there
is no need to say it, is there?

Why is it so difficult to move to a bit of the area where
you would not be in anyone's way if you really have
to go into a marathon chat session in the middle of
your shop? It's the same when people meet on a
busy pavement. Move to one side? Oh no, they'll
stand right in the middle so people have to
literally walk on the road to get past!

Another scenario I see on a weekly basis is two or three
people with buggies going into, for instance, a tiny
newsagent and only one of them is buying something.
Why can't one of them stay outside the shop with the
kids (tied down in the buggies so they're not going
to run off)? But again, oh no, they all have to go
in there so nobody in the shop can move!

Last week I was in a local newsagent and in front of me
at the till was a girl with a buggy and her friend. It
wasn't quite clear what they were doing as there was
no interaction with the person manning the till so
I asked "Are you in the queue?" and
they said they weren't.

The 3 people behind me all asked them the same
question, yet being asked are you in the shop for
anything other than a chat right in the front of
the till, FOUR times within three minutes, still
didn't promt them to move outside. Instead they
carried on casually gossiping while people were
scrambling past them in the narrowest bit of
the shop to get to the till and of course
the staff didn't say anything!

Also, why is it that whole families have to go to the
supermarket? When a group consists clearly of
the parents, grandparents and several teenage
kids that leaves only one question: why?

Why can't the kids, who are old enough, stay at home?
And if they're not old enough why can't one or several
of the adults stay home with them? Why does
the WHOLE family HAVE TO GO SHOPPING?
Especially during school breaks? (When are the
kids actually IN school?! They seem to be
on holiday every two weeks!)

They just walk around getting in everyone's way with
their mouths open behind the mother who's in
charge of the shop and would be capable of doing
it on her own. Nobody is helping her choose or
pick things anyway! She doesn't drive? The
person who drives could pick her up when
she's done. But oh no, they ALL
have to be there. In the way.
For no reason whatsoever.

This seems to be a UK phenomenon by the way. I never
see any kids in the supermarkets or other shops in the
countries I go to regularly. Not even at the weekends
or after school. The people over there seem to
have the good sense to leave the kids at home.

Again, the childcare in this country is not as organised
as elsewhere (in several countries the grandparents
or other relatives look after the kids) but there is no
excuse to bring the kids when the shopping party
consists of several other adults who could
plainly stay at home with them.

If a trip to the supermarket in this country nowadays
constitutes a family day out...well, that is
a really really sad state of affairs.

But then what else is new in the me-me-me society
where people have no regard to anyone else
apart from their selfish fat asses.

Rant over. Phew!
That's better!

ART, ART AND
MORE ART

More strange art, this time made with smoke
by Mehmet Ozgur, lights by Jan Wöllert
and Jörg Miedza, body painting by Craig
Tracy, Lego by Nathan Sawaya and
water and milk by Corrie White.

Please click on the links to viw more images
and info. Please click on the image
below to view a larger version.

POINTY

This week has been the most boring in the
history of mankind...absolutely
nothing happened...

So I cheered myself up with some new
boots (because I clearly do not have
enough of shoes/boots!)

Well, they were a sort of late birthday
present to myself as well. Do you
reckon they're pointy enough?!

SUNSET OF
THE WEEK

BACKLOG

PS: For non UK residents: that is funny because
the postmen over here tie bundles of post together
with rubber bands and then have the annoying habit
of dropping them right outside ones door.

We've got a stash of hundreds of bands just from
picking them up from our front yard! And of course
with the post piling up into a huge backlog with the
currents strikes, so are the rubber bands!

Sometimes I think I should send them back to the
sorting office with a well worded note...but then
the package would probably never get there!

FUNNY PIC
OF THE DAY

GENTLEMEN...

"Start your engines. And
don't f*** it up!"

One of my favourite TV series this year has come
to an end ... but the good news is there's
going to a second season! Yay!

Bad good TV at its best! Lipsynching for your
life, sashaying on the runway, bitching and
moaning backstage. You go girls!

I thoroughly enjoyed RuPaul's Drag Race, a contest
to find "America's next drag superstar". The title
went to Bebe Zahara Benet (above on the left).

My favourite Nina Flowers (above right) would've
been a more deserving winner but there you go.
Her moves, clothes, hairpieces and make-up
were out of this world plus she came
across as a really nice person.

OCTOBER
ART 2009

Please click on the images
to view a larger version.

SUNSET OF
THE WEEK

OCTOBER 2009
COLOUR
PART II

The current warm spell has produced
some fantastic vivid colours.
Here's a few shots.

Please click on the images
to view a larger version.

NICE COLOURS
OF THE DAY

YOGA DOGS

This is funny!

The Yoga Dogs calendar features dogs getting into
yoga poses. The tongue-in-cheek calendar was
created by Texan couple Dan and Alejandra
Borris from San Antonio.

Relying on his wife's skills as a former yoga teacher,
Dan gets her to hold and coax the dogs into
certain positions, then he uses Photoshop to
make the dogs assume anatomically
impossible positions.

Creating up to 26 images for his 2009 and now 2010
calendar, the hilarious collection may have some
animal rights activists up in arms, but Dan is
quick to point out that the canine models
were never in distress.

"There is no forcing the animal to do anything.
We will get the dog in a general position but each
dog that I photograph is well looked after."

Recruiting the best and funniest looking dogs
they could find for their calendar, Dan and
Alexandra look for inspiration everywhere.
"Sometimes we see really cool dogs
on the street and we approach
the owners," says Dan.

PS: More bizarre calendars here.
My favourites are the
cheeky RSPCA guys!

TAPE IT

An artist recreates stills from some of his favourite
movies using nothing more than brown parcel tape.

At first glance it appears they could have been
made using computer software but these images
are created by layering strips of ordinary tape.

The picture is then illuminated from behind using
a light box to reveal the image. Artist Mark
Khaisman from Philadelphia says using
tape in this way is just another
way of painting.

Mark previously worked on stained-glass windows
before taking up the more unusual medium of parcel
tape. But, despite seeming to be very different
types of art, he said they were both
examples of 'painting with light'.

He uses around three rolls of 100-metre packing
tape and takes up to a week to create each picture.
Different shades are created by building up
the tape - up to ten layers make
the darkest sections.

Mark doesn't sketch out the image first but works
directly onto the light boxes, using photos and film
stills as a reference. He said: "I chose scenes
from my favourite films, I particularly enjoy
Hitchcock's work. I use photographs, I start
by blowing them up to actual size to
get proportions right and then
simply build the image."

His original works, which are about four
feet (1.2 m) in height, sell for
as much as £6,000.

COVER GIRL
MARGE

Simpsons matriarch Marge Simpson is gracing
the cover of Playboy magazine, becoming
the first cartoon character in
the publication's history.

The November issue sees the blue haired
mother of three posing on a chair with the
distinctive Playboy Bunny logo.

It marks the 20th anniversary of The Simpsons,
viewed as America's most dysfunctional family.
The move to put Marge on the cover is an attempt
to draw in a younger audience for
the soft porn magazine.

"We knew that this would really appeal to the
20-something crowd," Playboy spokeswoman
Theresa Hennessey says. It is not yet known how
much of Marge will be on show inside the issue,
but "it's very, very racy," editorial director
James Jellinek promises. "She is a stunning
example of the cartoon form."

Playboy owner Hugh Hefner is said to
be a huge Simpsons fan and
appeared in an episode in
the early 1990s.

LANDSCAPES

Check out these beautiful photos in the
Landscape Photographer of the
Year 2009 competition.

The first price went to Emmanuel Coupe for his
"Sunrise over the Old Man of Storr, Isle
of Skye, Scotland" (below)

OTTO THE
OLDEST

A Shropshire dog has been officially
declared the oldest in the world.

Otto, a dachshund cross terrier who will be
21 in February, was named as the oldest dog
by Guinness World Records at a television
taping for the Paul O’Grady Show.

Owners Peter and Lynn Jones, from Reabrook in
Shrewsbury, travelled down to London with Otto
to take part in filming. Mr Jones, 68, was
presented with a certificate to
confirm Otto’s achievement.

Mr Jones said: “We got the Guinness World Records
certificate. We didn’t know we were going to get it.
It came as a surprise, although we knew we were in
with a chance. I was elated and I’ve put it straight
into a frame. It was a good show, although
it was a long and a very tiring day.”

Mrs Jones has owned Otto since he was a puppy
and he is still going strong, although he
has been battling a few problems
including arthritis.

The previous world’s oldest dog had been
US dachshund Chanel who died earlier this
year aged 21 or the grand old age of
147 calculated in dog years.

WARM

One unwanted memento I brought with me from
Lisbon is the lurgy which has kept me
out of action for over a week.

Well, at least the weather has been amazing
for getting better - super nice
for this time of year!

The warm spell is being produced by a low pressure out
in the Atlantic and a high pressure over Scandinavia,
which are sending warm winds up from
southern France and central Africa.

The Indian summer conditions make this one
of the warmest October weeks on record. It
contrasts vividly with freezing snowstorms
that hit parts of the UK this time last year.

Temperatures dropped to -4C (24.8F) in South
East and eastern England bringing snow
showers and causing transport chaos.

THE ULTIMATE
SOUVENIR

KB took the plunge and went
the whole hog.

She came home with the ultimate Lisbon
souvenir: a tattoo that says "Amo-Te
Lisboa" (I Love Lisbon).

And why not? I admire her courage, I
haven't got the guts to get any tattoo!

Below the tat meister Cristian
from Lisboa Ink at work
and the end result.

If you're looking to get a tattoo or a piercing in
Lisbon head to Lisboa Ink. The staff are
friendly and funny not to
mention talented.

They're at Rua do Telhal 8C, Lisbon 1150.
The nearest metro station is Avenida
on the blue line (Linha Azul)

AMO-TE LISBOA

Greetings from sunny Lisbon!

It was +28 C every day with piercing blue skies.
We ate, drank, shopped and generally
meandered about.

Not a lot you can do when it's that hot...mind
you it's the the perfect excuse to stop
and have a vinho verde!

Please click on the photos to
view a larger version.

I'm a huge fan of hand painted pottery - the
Portuguese designs are my favourites.

Above the latest additions to the collection,
two mugs and tiles which I hung
up in the kitchen.

PS: There is a vid from the
trip in KB's blog.

PS2: Also check out my personal favourites
from trip trip in a larger scale (scroll
to the bottom of the link)

SUNSET OF
THE WEEK

ONE PIECE

Check out these amazing origami creations
by Sipho Mabona, each made one
one single sheet of paper!

"The time it takes to make each piece differs from
figure to figure," says Sipho. "The quickest would
probably be a Koi carp, but even that takes me
around one hour to fold. On the other hand for
things like the praying mantis it's 20 hours of
solid folding. Prices for a single piece
range anywhere from 300 to 2,500
Swiss francs, or £1,500."

He is the first-ever foreigner to be invited to the
Japan Origami Academic Society (JOAS)
Convention in 2008 and his work graced the
cover of the official magazine. He's mother is
Swiss and his father South African, was
born and raised in Switzerland.

He has been exhibited in galleries in Japan,
Switzerland, Canada, Spain and France and
created an entire origami room for sports
company Asics during the World Athletics
Championships in Berlin.

PS: The latest issue of National Geographic
has an interesting article
on origami.

STRAIGHT
FURROWS

You plough girl!

A 13-year-old girl beat (video) 40 experienced
farmers to first place in a ploughing
competition after only
four hours practice.

Elly Deacon used her father’s 140bhp tractor to
impress judges at Redbourn Berry Farm in
Hertfordshire with her straight furrows.

Other contestants, some with more than 50 years
experience, could only watch as she accomplished
her task with relish. She was given three hours to
perfect a 5000 square meter (53,000 sq ft) patch
of land on the six tonne John Deere tractor
pulling a five furrow Dowdeswell plough.

Her father, David Deacon, 48, said he was
amazed by his daughter's achievement
at the plough match.

He said: "It was unbelievable - she beat some
exceptional ploughmen on the day and was rightly
crowned the winner. She did everything right
and the judges thought she did a fantastic job -
the field was perfect for planting crops
when she had finished."

She had first driven the tractor four days
before the Redbourn and District Agricultural
Competitions Association’s event, and had
an hour’s practice a night.

Elly, who goes on to next year’s national event,
said: “Maybe girls are more interested in
keeping the fields neat and tidy and
are more careful than men.”

TALL TAILS

People are always claiming their dogs are
record breakers, latest being Caryn
Weber from North Dakota.

She thinks (video) her 3-year-old Landseer
Newfoundland Boomer is the world’s tallest
canine. At 3 feet (0.91 cm) tall at the
shoulders and 7 feet (2.1 m) long from
nose to wagging tail, he might
be a contender.

Weber plans to send Boomer’s measurements to
Guinness World Records. The previous record
holder was a Great Dane which measured nearly
4 feet (1.21 m) tall but he died last summer.

We never checked how tall our Wolfhound Archie
was or thought he might be a record breaker but
he certainly had no problems getting his
head on the worktops, cooker or sink!

Archie with my friend
Tommi in our kitchen

NOT TOO BAD

It's five days to Lisbon, baby! and the
weather is not looking too bad! Oh yes,
Vinho Verde, here I come!

HOW'S YOUR
DAY BEEN?

HALF GREEN,
HALF RED

Ken Morrish was left stunned when he found a
golden delicious apple on his tree split exactly
half green, half red down the middle.

The fruit's striking colouring is thought to be
caused by a random genetic mutation at odds
of more than a million to one.

The apple has caused a stir in the village
of Colaton Raleigh, Devon, and Mr Morrish is
inundated with neighbours queuing
up to take pictures of it.

Mr Morrish, 72, who has been harvesting the apples
from trees in his garden for 45 years, said: "It's truly
amazing. It looks as if a green apple and a red
apple has been cut in half and stuck together."

He said he was out picking a few apples for his
sister-in-law when he spotted the fruit hanging from
a bough. In these rare cases the red side usually
tastes sweeter than the green side - because it
has seen more sunshine during its growth.

John Breach, chairman of the British Independent
Fruit Growers Association, said: "I've never seen
this happen before to a golden delicious. It is
extremely rare. It is an extreme mutation."

Jim Arbury, fruit superintendent at RHS Garden
Wisley in Surrey, said it was probably the
"result of a random genetic mutation".

"This is known as a chimera where one of the first
two cells has developed differently giving rise to
one half of the apple being different. It is unlikely
to be a stable mutation but it is worth checking
next year to see if it recurs. There are instances
of some striped apples and pears including
one striped pear in the collection at
Wisley called Pysanka," he said.

BEER LOVING GHOST
GETS THE BOOT

A Hampshire pub landlady is calling in an
exorcist to get rid of a ghost which
she claims is topping up pints.

Janice McCormack, (below) 60, said: "I know it
sounds very strange. But it happens when
customers pop to the toilet or put their pint
down for a second or two, and when
they turn around there is an
extra inch of beer."

She has nicknamed the ghost 'Reedy' after legendary
actor and drinker Oliver Reed and said he has
been haunting the Apsley House in Southsea,
after she took over the lease ten years ago.

The generous ghoul has been mysteriously
re-fuelling the regulars' glasses since January.
Mrs McCormack, who runs the pub with husband
Patrick, said: "My regulars love it but it is costing me
because people are drinking less. We are getting
more people through the door but it seems to be
people expecting a cheap, never-ending pint."

To the disappointment of thrifty drinkers, she
now plans to hold a seance to ask the poltergeist
to quit, and if that fails, she will seek an
exorcist to get him out.

Regular John Sanders, 27, said: "I will certainly
miss old Reedy because he always keeps me
topped up. It is a novelty but if the pub is
loosing money then perhaps he'll have to
move to a different one."

The Apsley was formally a Victorian girls
school before being used by city councillors
as their offices and was turned into
a pub in the 1960s.

WARD OFF

The biggest Anglo-Saxon gold hoard ever was
discovered in field in Staffordshire in July
and now archaeologists digging up a car
park in Stafford have unearthed a 400 year
old bottle used to scare off witches.

It was discovered in a pit beneath a back room
on the site of the Turk's Head Inn at
Tipping Street car park.

The vessel (above) is a mid to late 17th-century
Bellarmine jug which would have been filled with
things like nail clippings, hair, bellybutton
fluff, pins and iron nails.

Oxford Archaeology which is undertaking
the dig will analyse the contents of the
bottle to see what it contains.

Project manager Andrew Norton, said: "This is a very
interesting find. People were very superstitious during
this period and would put items which came from
themselves such as hair into a bottle to protect them
from witches and evil spirits. This would then be
buried at the front or back door of a building or
placed in a chimney to ward off
witches or evil spirits. "

The dig has so far also unearthed some Anglo Saxon
pottery kilns suggesting Stafford could have been
a major pottery production area. Leather waste
from shoe making has been recovered from a
large pit as well and shows a cobbler would
have worked in residence at 14 or 15
Tipping Street during the
medieval period.

Stafford was originally a fortified Saxon settlement
founded in 913AD by Queen Aethelflaed (the Lady
of the Mercians) (above). It was probably located
close to the River Sow and surrounded by
extensive marshland as this offered good
natural defences, control of any river
crossing and easy access to water.

GEOFFREY'S 326
MILE TREK

An intrepid cat called Geoffrey travelled over 300
miles in the luggage compartment of a coach from
his Isle of Wight home to the coast resort
town of Whitby before being found.

The fifteen-month-old bengal has been known to go off
for a night or two but when he disappeared for three
weeks his owners thought they may never see him
again - until he turned up in North Yorkshire.

Cat lovers Cindy and Tim Whitbread could not
believe it when they got a telephone call on Monday
to say their pet was alive and well despite
his ten-hour journey by road.

Nurse Cindy (above with Geoffrey), who has had him
since he was a kitten, said: "Geoffrey cannot even stand
being in the car for two minutes, if he has to go to the
vet he starts wailing when the car starts moving.
I can't believe he's travelled that far.
He must have been beside himself."

The only explanation for Geoffrey's jaunt is that he
must have hopped into the luggage compartment of
one of the many coaches that pull up at nearby
hotels and B&Bs in the tourist destination.

He has then made an hour long journey to get to the
ferry port, travelled for an hour over the English
Channel and then headed up on the slow
coach ride to the Northeast coast.

"We feared the worst because he doesn't even have
a collar – he likes climbing trees and are scared he
might end up choking himself. Thank God
he was chipped."

The 36-year-old picked Geoffrey up from the vet on
Friday along with her husband, Tim, 50, who is
in the RAF. The vet had given Geoffrey an sedative
so his journey home would be a bit more restful.

Geoffrey was found in a field in Whitby a week ago
by 10-year-old Zac Archibald who took the cat
home to his mum Chris, 49, and together they
nursed him back to health.

OCTOBER
2009
COLOUR

There are some really nice October
colours around. Here's a few shots.

Please click on the images to
view a larger version.

BELIEVE

TOYAH VIDS IN
MYSPACE

It was a boring Saturday afternoon so I
knocked together a little MySpace page
for fan made Toyah videos.

I also included all of the "official"
promo vids and a few live and
studio performances.

There's also the hundred odd
of my favourite photos from
over the years.

LOST AND FOUND

A stuffed puffer fish, human skulls, a samurai sword
and a lawnmower are just a few of the items
that have turned up in London's Lost
Property Office.

The Transport for London's Lost Property Office (LPO)
is celebrating 75 years of reuniting people and
their belongings with a raft of statistics about which
items go missing the most on public transport.

The most commonly forgotten objects left on buses,
overground and underground trains, taxis and
in stations last year were books at 36,852
and items of clothing at 27,174.

The office is located on Baker Street and takes pride
in its link to famous fictional neighbour Sherlock
Holmes, even naming the computer system
staff use to log all lost items "Sherlock".

There have been a few sleuth-like occasions when
staff have had to take extra steps to return items
to their owners, managing to track down the next
of kin for two urns of ashes that had been in the
LPO for years, even though there were just a
few words written on the urns.

"It was an emotional moment for all of us. Having said
that, all items are important to their owners and
returning even the smallest of items can make a
big difference. I have been here for five years and
love being reminded how honest Londoners are
when they hand in lost property," LPO

Manager Julie Haley said.

She said people often believe that if they leave
something on a train or bus it will be gone
forever, but it just may well be a phone
call away on a shelf in the LPO.

"You never know - we might just have it here,
and 'Sherlock' will help us find it," she said.

MR BUMBLE

Oh bless, again!

A podgy skunk gorged itself so much on
bacon sarnies that it's been put on
a strict veggie diet.

Mr Bumble's love of pork resulted in him
ballooning to a dangerous 6.35 kg (one stone)
- double the ideal weight for a healthy skunk.

He was having a swell time, but his clueless
owners eventually handed their beloved pet over
to the RSPCA when they realised they
couldn't cope with his size.

At Tropiquaria animal park near Watchet, Somerset,
his waistline has been put under strict observation.
A regime of vegetables, bananas and melon and
two half-hour walks a day has resulted in Mr
Bumble shedding the flab.

Park owner Chris Noisier said: "We're now working on
dieting him down to what he should be and clearly
bacon butties are not a normal part of a skunk's diet
in the wild. He is getting to meet lots of new people
so there's lots going on in his life and
I suspect it's making up for the lack of
his old favourite food."

A skunk's natural diet in the wild mainly consists
of carrion, insects, mice and a range of greenery.
The animals are native to North America, but
have become popular as house pets in the UK.

FUR ROCKS

These are funny!

A company called Takkoda has produced
a calendar of pets made to
look like rock stars.

Real pets were photographed in their own homes to
capture their natural expressions and then they
were "dressed up" digitally to look like stars such
as Dolly Parton, Elvis and Sid Vicious.

EDIBLE FLAGS

Check out these mouth watering "flags!"

An advertising agency has come up with a campaign
to promote the Sydney International Food Festival:
flags made from food typical of each country.

Above Italy, Greece and Brazil. Wouldn't
mind tucking into those....or India!

LUCY

Oh, bless!

She may only have limited vision but Lucy the owl's
disability hasn't stopped her from finding
the perfect perch in life.

The five-year-old Western Screech Owl can only see
a short distance following an attack when
she was just a fledgling.

The tiny bird, who stands six inches (15.2 cm)
high and weighs a bit over eight ounces
(227 g), was discovered under her nest
site in Santa Barbara, California.

Both her eyes had been punctured by a predator,
possibly a small hawk or a corvid. Lucy is now an
invaluable 'staff' member at the Ojai Raptor
Center in California where she helps to
raise other orphaned youngsters.

Kim Stroud, (below with Lucy) director of the
center, says: "She can see maybe 10 or 15 feet but
we don't think she can identify objects. She
wouldn't survive in the wild. Despite
her size and disability she could
live for a further 15 years."

Kim, 46, both founded and runs the Ojai Raptor Center,
a non-profit rescue and rehabilitation centre for injured
birds in Ventura County, an area of Southern
California that boasts millions
of acres of national parks.

Lucy has proved to be a great help. "She's a wonderful
mother. She lays eggs every year, infertile of course,
but whenever screech owl eggs are brought in from
the wild we have switched them. The same
with foundling baby screeches. Lucy
has raised 15 of them so far".

Despite, or maybe because of, her excellent
maternal instincts the tiny predator can be
fierce and protective too. Kim says: "She
tolerates handling, but she's very vocal when
she's mad. She flies at me when she has
eggs or babies, or sometimes even
when I go into feed her."

You can adopt and
sponsor Lucy
HERE

SEPTEMBER
ART 2009

Please click on the images
to view a larger version.

NO PIZZA

RUSKA

It's "ruska" time in Finland again (most vivid in Lapland)
and readers of a national newspaper have sent in
loads of wonderful images of the intense colours.

Here's some of them.

HAPPY PILLS

If there was a pill which erased all of your
bad memories and embarrassing
moments, would you take it?

A memory-cleansing drug that has the ability to
remove any recollection of unhappy incidents
could be developed by scientists.

The possibility of a memory drug for human
consumption has been raised following successful
animal trials by Andreas Lüthi, of the Friedrich
Miescher Institute in Switzerland.

If manufactured, a pill that selectively wipes memory
would mimic the plot of the Oscar-winning film
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, in which
Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey use a pill to erase
memories of their soured love affair.

During the latest research, animals had been given
a drug that dissolves a barrier around the amygdala
- the almond-shaped organ in the brain where
mammals store their memories of fear.

It was found that after receiving treatment, laboratory
animals stopped being scared of sounds associated
with electric shocks, indicating the memories had
been erased. Humans share the same organ in
the brain and scientists have argued that
the drug could work on patients.

Although the prospect of a drug to wipe out
troubling memories is attractive to many, for
others it raises medical and
ethical questions.

Would I do it? Yep. I've got plenty of
embarrassing moments I'd quite
happily forget about!

BEST FOR SPOOKS

Yorkshire is the best place to be if you want to see a
UFO but if you're in search of phantoms then you're
better off heading south to Kent.

And if you fancy mixing train-spotting with ghosthunting
then Dorset is a good choice as it boasts the highest
number of railway hauntings.

These facts emerge in a study by paranormal researcher
and priest Lionel Fanthorpe, who has identified
the spookiest places in Britain over
the past 25 years.

Big cats, the ghost of Dick Turpin and aliens all crop
up in his research based on unexplained incidents
reported to the police and leading paranormal
organisations. For Mr Fanthorpe, from Cardiff,
comprehensive inquiry is always key.

"The highest form of investigation is never to regard
something as so firmly proved that we don't need to
look at it again - neither should we laugh out of
court anything that seems so ridiculous that it
isn't worth investigating," the 74-year-old said.

Road phantoms are the fourth most common
paranormal sightings. There have been 17 cases
of them scaring motorists over the years.

One of the most famous is young girl who has been
spotted wandering down the Caterham Bypass,
in Surrey. The faceless spook who's freaked many
drivers has been searched for with tracker
dogs and helicopters to no avail.

A spokesman for East Surrey Police said: "It
was all very eerie. It's the weirdest
thing I've come across."

FIBRO FOOL

I'm not even going to comment on the moron in this story
because there is not enough expletives in the
world to describe her behaviour.

Of course if the situation was the other way round (she had
a B&B and made comments about Christianity) none
of this would've ever happened. Actually, apparently
she allegedly insisted Jesus was just "a minor prophet"
and of course she was allowed to say, to "insist", that but
Ben and Sharon Vogelenzang are not allowed
to voice their opinions about her "god."
What a lovely country we live in.

One sentence in that article is of
particular interest for me though:

"But during her treatment for the debilitating
illness fibromyalgia she decided
to follow her beliefs."

Now, I've had Fibromyalgia for over ten years and as
far as I know there is no known effective treatment
(giving long term relief), cure, medication
or operation for it.

I have THE best doctor in the world so if the medical
community should come up with a viable treatment
anywhere in the world she would tell
me immediately.

So why is this idiot doing receiving "treatment"
(on the NHS of course, Walton Hospital is not
private) for something that can not be treated?

Yes, some people use cold rooms, warm hydro therapy pools
(why not sit in your own bath and stop wasting NHS
money?) and acupuncture, (which again as far as I
know is not available on the NHS nor is massage),
but those offer only temporary relief. The
symptoms return after a matter
of hour or days.

Maybe I'm different...I don't use a cane like many Fibro
patients, I don't like to waste NHS resources on
something that would give me temporary relief,
like a hydro pool etc. I take care of it myself
with a hot wheat bag and rest.

Maybe some people need to be with other patients
so they can talk about their illness, maybe it helps
to be in a social situation with similar people.
However I'm not one to go around moaning
about my aches and pains, instead I
tend to get on with it.

WHAT NICE WEATHER
WE'RE HAVING

The weather is still Britain's favourite topic of
conversation with three quarters of us
discussing it more than anything else,
according to research.

The study of 3000 people was carried out by British
butter brand Country Life to celebrate the start
of British Food Fortnight 2009.

It is so popular that even after England's football
team beat Croatia to qualify for the World Cup,
more men were talking about whethe
it would rain or shine.

Our day to day lives are still characterised by traditional
British activities like discussing the weather,
enjoying fish and chips and
drinking cups of tea.

More than eight in ten believe tea is the ultimate
traditional British drink, with everyone from
the under 18s to the over 55s enjoying a cuppa.
When it comes to food, fish and chips is still seen
as the ultimate in traditional food. However
one in five of us think curry has become a
modern culinary classic.

Dr David Lewis, a psychologist and Director of Research
at Mindlab International, said we cling to traditions
because they are comforting.

He said: "These cultural symbols serve as the unshakeable
foundation on which the British way of life is built.
Social and technological change makes many of us
feel anxious and stressed because, by challenging
accustomed ways of thinking and doing things,
it undermines our sense of competence and
self-belief. Traditions offer a psychological
'comfort blanket' by appearing
permanent and unchanging."

"By providing this sense of stability and predictability
they help reassure us everything will turn out for the best,
so encouraging a more positive and optimistic view
of the future. Traditions are also a source of
tremendous pride. By differentiating us from other
nations they help create a unique identity,
reinforcing our confidence in the attitudes
and beliefs that make us typically British."

SEPTEMBER
COLOUR
2009

The neighbourhood is slowly coming alive with late
summer colours. W've had such a mild
autumn that the vivid shades are
appearing a bit later than usual.

Please click on the images
to view larger versions.

A DIGITAL BANG

Isn't technology fantastic when it works? And
even better when it goes BANG in the middle
of the night and scares the living
daylights out of you?

I was watching TV late Friday night and all of
a sudden there was a very loud noise and
smell of smoke. I thought the TV
was going to explode!

I jumped up and ripped all of the electricity
cables out of the wall trying to figure out
what the hell just happened?!

After a while, since there were no visible flames (!),
nothing seemed hot or on the verge of melting into a
plastic heap and my face requiring plastic surgery
I decided to plug the TV, video and Freeview
box back on. The telly and video were
fine but the digi box had died.

Yesterday I opened it up to see if it could be saved but
alas it was beyond help. A plastic cap had blown clear
off of some sort of circuit board thingy which had
clearly fried, hence the burning smell the loud
noise and when it hit the metal cover.

I've been meaning to buy a digi TV recorder for a while
anyway so I thought rather than waste another
£25 on a cheapo Freeview box I'll invest
and get the recorder.

So this morning I went to Argos and got this little number,
250GB hard disc with 120 hours recording time.
Should be enough space for a few soaps and movies!
It's super easy to install and use, took all of five
minutes to get it up and running. I do like my
veg out sessions in front of the box
so I'm a very happy camper!

SUNSET OF
THE WEEK

RIP EDI

Sad news from Finland
this morning.

My latest furry friend, whom I only met for the
first time in August, my cousin Vesa's dog Edi
has moved to the Great Big Doggie Heaven.

He was plagued by all sorts of ailments through his
short life and a recurring back problem finally
got the better of him this week. RIP Edi.

I'll always remember how you came and
sat next to me by the lake and
kept me company.

AMAZING PICTURES
OF THE DAY

Sydney was taken over by a massive orange
dust storm today making it look
like a colony on Mars!

More photos in
here

THE DOMINO
EFFECT

This looks like fun!

The BBC childrens's program Blue Peter has set a
world record (video) for 'mattress dominoes'
after 100 people created a human
domino-effect during live filming.

Blue Peter presenter, Helen Skelton, BBC weather
girl Laura Tobin and BBC News presenter
Tim Willcox all took part in the
record-breaking feat.

The game involves dominoes substituted with
mattresses held by participants who each
take it in turn to collapse backwards.

A team of Guinness World Record officials was also
present to adjudicate. In order to break the record
each mattress needed to "touch the one behind
it and there needed to be a consecutive
chain of toppling mattresses",
a spokesman said.

The event began outside the BBC Television Centre in
White City and ended inside the Blue Peter studio.
The mattresses, which were covered by
plastic, were donated to Cancer
Research after the stunt.

The previous record was 80 mattresses set in
Sydney by a mattress company in
August earlier this year.

Mattress dominoes is thought to have began as
an American college pastime but has become
increasingly popular in the UK.

EVIL WAS PACKED
WITH CARE

A RETARD
COTTONMOUTH

The London Underground Tube map, designed in
1931 by Harry Beck, is among the most
recognisable images in the world.

Predictably, it has been the subject of various
homages and pastiches in its lengthy history
with some of them made just for fun and
some that are actually really useful!

Here are just a few.

Please click on the image
for a larger version

The Anagram Map

The It’s Quicker To Walk Map

The Geographical Map

The Caught Short Map

The Rude Tube (warning: link
contains strong language)

The Have I Got News For You Map

The Real Underground

The What If The Germans Had
Won The War Map

The Healthy Tube Map

HAWK COST
FLYING HIGH

Remember Elektra, the hawk used to scare the
pigeons in Trafalgar Square? Well it seems the
cost of keeping the flying "verminator" is rising
more and more per year with the current
figure standing at nearly £60 000!

The bird of prey is flown daily for up to four hours
as part of efforts introduced by former mayor
Ken Livingstone to disperse birds he
dubbed "flying rats".

Since the scheme started in July 2003, a total of £354,829
has been spent on hawks and 130 pigeons have been
killed. This equates to £2,729 spent per dead bird.

Figures released on Monday show that in the
last financial year the scheme cost £59,020.

Mike Tuffrey, leader of the Liberal Democrat London
Assembly Group, said: "Alternative ways must be
found, such as nesting prevention and chemical
contraception in feed. Most Londoners will
certainly welcome the reduced nuisance
but the Mayor must find a far more
cost-effective way to tackle the problem."

Feral pigeon numbers have dropped from
about 4,000 to the present 120 to 140.

Julia Fletcher, of the Pigeon Action Group, which campaigns
for the birds' welfare, said: "They're performing blood
sports with taxpayers money. It's totally unnecessary,
not only because of the costs but because it's not
going to drive the pigeons away."

Numbers had fallen, she argued, because they had
been "starved out of existence" after feeding
them in the square was banned.

She also said a hawk does not prevent the pigeons
returning, because the birds are creatures of
habit and always return home.

POKER FACE

I COULD NOT FAIL TO
DISAGREE
WITH YOU LESS

Former US president George W. Bush has topped a poll
of the worst examples of mangled English,
followed closely by Arnold Schwarzenegger
and Donald Rumsfeld.

French footballer-cum philospher Eric Cantona and
former US president Bill Clinton also produced
prime examples of gobbledegook, according to
the online poll of 4,000 people inspired by
the Plain English Campaign.

Notoriously language-challenged Bush romped to the top
accolade for his: "Our enemies are innovative and
resourceful and so are we. They never stop thinking
about new ways to harm our country and
our people, and neither do we."

Second came bodybuilder-turned-actor-turned-California
governor Schwarzenegger, who during an election
campaign in 2003 minted the puzzling: "I think
that gay marriage should be between
a man and a woman."

The rest of the top 10 in the poll, commissioned by an
insurance company after it won an award from
the Plain English Campaign, were:

3. Rumsfeld, in February 2002: "Reports that say that
something hasn't happened are always interesting to me,
because as we know, there are known knowns; there are
things we know we know. We also know there are known
unknowns; that is to say we know there are some
things we do not know. But there are also unknown
unknowns: the ones we don't know we don't know."

4. Murray Walker, motor racing commentator: "The
lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one
behind it which is identical."

5. John Motson, football commentator: "For those
of you watching in black and white, Spurs
are playing in yellow."

6. Prime Minister Gordon Brown, explaing budget plans
to lawmakers in July this year: "Total spending will
continue to rise and it will be a zero
percent rise in 2013-14."

7. Clinton, in 1998 grand jury testimony about Monica
Lewinsky: "It depends upon what the meaning of the
word 'is' is. If 'is' means 'is and never has been' that's
one thing - if it means 'there is none', that was a
completely true statement."

8. Cantona, 1995: "When the seagulls follow the
trawler, it's because they think sardines
will be thrown into the sea."

9. Bush, July 2001: "I know what I believe. I will
continue to articulate what I believe and what I
believe - I believe what I believe is right."

10. London mayor Boris Johnson, on British satirical
gameshow "Have I Got News for You" in 2003:
"I could not fail to disagree with you less."

MARTIN'S SPACE

Check out these beautiful space shots by
Martin Pugh, the Astronomy Photographer
of the Year 2009.

His image of the Horsehead Nebula in Orion (below, top)
was awarded first prize in the competition run by
the Royal Observatory in Greenwich.

The winning entry was taken over a period of 19 hours,
over 14 nights, in a period of two months of a
subject 1,500 light years away.

"However, it was my picture which won third prize of the
Galactic Dust in Corona Australia (above, bottom)
that I am most proud of," says Martin. "That is
my most technically correct photograph. It's
comprised of 180 photos, over 39 hours and
was shot over a period of three months."

Beginning his astrophotography in 1999 with a relatively
inexpensive £3,000 set of telescope and camera,
Martin has now graduated to a £20,000 set of
equipment that enables him to
compete with the best.

The majority of his shots were taken from the middle
of 2005 to late 2008, when Martin lived in Canberra
Australia after transferring from the Royal Navy
to the Royal Australian Navy.

"I utilised the clear skies of my Australian home
and even built a mini observatory out of a
converted shed," explains Martin.

Martin's work is appearing on an Australian stamp
which was released late last month. "This year is the
International Year of Photography and the Australian
Post Office issued three stamps to commemorate
that," says Martin. "I was one of those
three and the only amateur."

Also, staying on the subject of space images check
out these shots taken from the
Hubble Space Telescope.

21 DAYS AND
COUNTING

Me and KB are of to Lisbon baby! for the fourth (!)
time in 21 days...the countdown starts now.

Can't wait!

The plans include a visit to the top of the Cristo Rei statue
in Almada on the left-bank of the Tagus river opposite
Lisbon, the castle Castelo de São Jorge in the old
town Alfama and Eduardo VII Park which is
literally behind our hotel yet we've
never visited before! (Don't worry KB,
there is a bar in the park!)

NICE PIC OF
THE DAY

Dedicated to the end
of the summer...

GLOBE IN A
POCKET

The Economist's Pocket World
In Figures 2010 is out.

The Daily Telegraph lists 100 of the most interesting facts
about our globe including: Venezuelans are the beeriest
nation on Earth, consuming an impressive 83 litres
(146 pints) of beer per head annually. Guadeloupe has
the biggest taste for bubbly, with 4.25 bottles
of champagne consumed per head per year.

The Greeks are the biggest smokers, averaging
8.1 cigarettes a day each.

China, predictably enough, produces the most tea –
1,166,000 tonnes – but also drinks the most, at 828,000
tonnes. The United Kingdom comes a disappointing
sixth with 131,000 tonnes consumed a year.

Denmark has the highest proportion of broadband
subscribers at 35.9 per 100 people.

Iceland has the highest quality of life according to
the Human Development Index, scoring 96.8 out of
100. The United Kingdom is joint 21st with
Hong Kong on 94.2.

Qatar has the least safe drivers, with 9,989 injuries
and 33 deaths in road accidents
per 100,000 people.

The largest number of tourists head to la belle
France, at 81,900,000 in 2007.

France is the sleepiest nation on Earth, with its
populace sleeping off their punishing 35-hour
working week for 530 minutes (8 hours
50 minutes) a day.

BRICK BY BRICK

It's a real shame James May's Lego house
has been demolished.

I like quirky stuff like this, Legoland
should've kept their word!

The two-storey toy house, created by Top Gear presenter
James May, included great details details like a cat and
toilet roll holder but was pulled down today after plans
for the Windsor lego park to buy it fell through.

It will cost about £50,000 to dismantle and reassemble.
Top Gear's website has set up a Facebook page
in an attempt to find a buyer. Legoland say the
house made for a BBC series Toy Stories is too
expensive for them to move it.

The house was built by about 1,000 volunteers
in Denbies Wine Estate in Dorking, Surrey -
but now the vineyard needs the land
back to harvest its grapes.

OTHER
CASTINGS

SATC GOES 80'S

WARNING: INCLUDES PLOT
SPOILER!

I can't wait for the second instalment of
Sex And The City on the big screen,
due out next May.

Judging by these photos it seems Carrie and Co go
back to the 80's with some, er, colourful results!

Having broken up with Smith Jerrod (Jason Lewis) at
the end of the first movie, Samantha’s love interest
turns back up in the much-awaited sequel
– possibly being the man to tie the knot with
Kim Cattrall’s character.

The wedding dress pics seem to
confrim the rumours!

“Yes, Jason is back!” an insider says. “Smith has
become a famous movie star, so we’ll see how
that plays out and how that affects
their relationship.”

NOT PHOTOS
PART II

Remember Paul Lung and his amazing
photo-realistic drawings?

Well, check out these paintings by Alyssa
Monks. Even more stunning!

At first glance these images may look like intimate
snapshots caught by a photographer but believe
it or not these scenes were hand painted
by the New York-based artist.

The 31-year-old said: "I have always wanted to paint
for as long as I can remember. I took classes at school
and then went to college and University before
ending up at the New York Academy of Art."

"The paintings are very intricate and they take a lot
of work to get right. It is all about the desire to
create an image of a person that is
beyond what even a photograph
can portray."

Alyssa takes about 1,000 pictures for a small series
of paintings, using the images to play with the
colour and get the paintings
as real as possible.

She added: "I use the photographs I take to help
me compose, although I invent a lot of the water
and steam effects from memory."

DEIPNOSOPHISTS,
STRIDEWALLOPS AND
SHOT-CLOGS

I love books like this and in fact have The Meaning
Of Tingo, the first offering by this author.

Deipnosophists, stridewallops and shot-clogs are
all celebrated in The Wonder of Whiffling, a
new book by Adam Jacot de Boinod.

Some are lost words redisovered, others are gems
from local dialects, but all are intriguing examples
of how English continues to be the most
quirky languge in the world.

The words include fornale, to spend one’s money before
it has been earned; cagg, a solemn vow or resolution
not to get drunk for a certain time; and petrichor,
the pleasant smell that accompanies the
first rain after a dry spell.

A stridewallop is a Yorkshire term for a tall and awkward
woman, while shot clog is an Elizabethan term for
a drinking companion only tolerated because
he pays for the round. Meanwhile, a
deipnosophist is a Jacobean word for
a skillful dinner conversationalist.

Yorkshire cements its reputation as a county responsible
for some of the English language's richest words by
coining crambazzled, used to describe someone
who is prematurely aged through
drink and a dissolute life.

English words from overseas are also included,
such as twack, a Newfoundland English word.
Twacks are shoppers who look at goods,
inquire about the prices but
never buy anything.

In his introduction, the author writes: "As a self-confessed
bowerbird (one who collects an astonishing array
of sometimes useless objects), I’ve greatly enjoyed
putting together this collection. I sincerely hope
that you enjoy reading it, and that it saves you
both from mulligrubs, depression of spirits,
and onomatomania, vexation in having
difficulty finding the right word."

LUCKY FREEWAY

A tortoise with a taste for life in the fast lane has been
rescued after he was found wandering
across a slip road in Surrey.

He was plucked to safety by John Formby, who
pulled over on the hard shoulder after
spotting him on the M23 at junction
seven of the M25.

The site manager from Worthing, West Sussex said he at
first thought it was debris, but then spotted a head.
Vets discovered he was micro-chipped in the
USA, and have named him Freeway.

Mr Formby, 43, recalled how he feared the tortoise
could cause an accident with people trying to avoid it.
"I pulled over, put my hazard lights on and ran 400
yards down the hard shoulder," he said.

"Some other cars were coming up and a couple went round
the tortoise. Two cars and a van drove straight over it,
straddling it, but it didn't go back into its shell.
By the time I'd run back, it had got into the slow
lane. I ran out, picked it up and put it
into the foot well of my car."

He then stopped off at a supermarket to buy it some
tomatoes and lettuce before dropping it into Grove
Lodge Veterinary Hospital in Worthing on
Wednesday afternoon.

Billy Elliott (above with Freeway), of Worthing and
District Animal Rescue Service, said the tortoise
was very friendly and in good condition.

"He must be someone's pet and the family have
relocated from abroad and brought him with
them. He's very lucky to have survived. It
would be the icing on the cake if we
could reunite him with his owners."

If you have any idea who owns Freeway
please contact the animal rescue
service on 01903 217788.

THE RIVER MAKES
A RETURN

The person/s who thought "oh, let's remove the river
from the tube map!" ...What an idiot!

The tube map without the river

Having the Thames in the map makes navigating so
much more easier, especially for tourists.

Luckily Boris stepped in and ordered
it to be put back on!

ANNUAL GARDEN WAR:
WEEDS 0 - ME 1

In case you were wondering, and I'm sure you were
not, the reason there were no posts in here last
week is that I spent the whole week sorting
out the front and back gardens.

And by sorting I mean launching a full attack on the
bloody bindweed! Oh that stuff drives me insane!
How on earth does it grow so quickly when
everything else strugglers?!

Given the fact that I can only work maybe an hour and
bit at a time before collapsing with exhaustion
I'm surprised I managed to do it so quickly.
The photo above is from this morning.

The mistake I made was not doing the weeding/lawn for
about two weeks before I went on holiday and I was
away for two weeks...so that's a month during which
the Convolvulus had a free reign out there!

All sorted out now, just need to burn some rubbish when
the weather is a bit more suitable i.e the whole
neighbourhood haven't got their washing out and
windows open. I'm sure there will be many a
miserable October afternoon with drizzle
when I can light up the bonfire!

THE BICCIES ARE GOING
TO GET YOU!

Yay! My favourite Jaffa Cake is
the least dangerous!

More than half of all Britons have been injured by
biscuits ranging from scalding from hot drinks
while dunking or breaking a tooth during a
morning tea break, a survey has revealed.

An estimated 25 million adults have been injured
- with at least 500 landing themselves in hospital.
The custard cream biscuit was found
to be the worse offender.

It beat the cookie to top a table of 15 generic
types of biccy whose potential dangers were
calculated by The Biscuit Injury
Threat Evaluation.

Hidden dangers included flying fragments, being
hurt while dunking in scalding tea and poking
themselves in the eye with a biscuit or falling
off a chair reaching for the tin. Seven per cent
were bitten by a pet or "other wild animal"
trying to get their biscuit.

One man even ended up stuck in wet concrete
after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit.

Custard creams get the highest risk rating of
5.63 compared to 1.16 for Jaffa cakes,
which was the safest biscuit of
all in the evaluation.

Mindlab International conducted the survey.
Director Dr David Lewis said: "We tested the
physical properties of 15 popular types of
biscuits, along with aspects of their
consumption such as 'dunkability'
and crumb dispersal."

The full list of riskiest biscuits:

Custard Cream 5.64
Cookie 4.34
Choc Biscuit Bar (eg: Rocky) 4.12
Wafer 3.74
Rich Tea 3.45
Bourbon 3.44
Oat Biscuit 3.31
Digestive 3.14
Ginger Nut 2.99
Shortbread 2.90
Caramel Shortcake 2.76
Nice Biscuit 2.27
Iced Biscuits/Party Rings 2.16
Chocolate Finger 1.38
Jaffa Cakes 1.16

SUNSET OF THE
WEEK

A DAY WITHOUT
CATS

How many felines is too many?

Web humor site Urlesque have declared today
Sept. 9 2009 "A Day Without Cats Online."

More than 40 blogs and websites have agreed
to say no mas to the mousers, banning cats
from their pages for at least 24 hours.

Urlesque says: Cats rule the internet. Think about
all the funny cat photos and videos that infest your
IM conversations, Facebook walls and e-mail
forwards - our feline overlords have sneakily
solidified themselves as a staple of the
web humor we love so dearly.

But whether you're a bona fide cat lady who
loves it all, or someone who can't stand
the over-population of cats on the interwebs,
we can all agree that cats need a break.
Urlesque hears your cries for help.

Even the worst "offender" of them all
joined in: Cuteoverload.com's Ode
To A Day Without Cats

A Day Without Cats? Can this be?
We must stop this catastrophe!

Search everywhere, from up to down,
And don’t give up until they’re found!

We’ll catacomb the countryside
To find out where our kitties hide.

Until we thwart this plan demonic
We’ll search until we’re catatonic!

We love to hug and chase them so,
Please, Internet, don’t erase them! No!

Oh, heed our plaintive caterwaul,
Or life will be no fun at all.

NOT PHOTOS

Check out these amazing drawings
by Paul Lung.

Believe it or not these are not photographs -
they were drawn by the 38-year-old graphic
artist from Hong Kong using a single pencil.

Please click on the image to
view a larger version.

Patient Paul spends up to 60 hours sketching the incredibly
detailed pictures. His works include photo-realistic
images of cats with lifelike fur and portraits
of the members of his family.

"Each one will take around 40 to 60 hours. I draw
after work for around three to four hours a day.
Most of them are size A2 and all done using a
0.5mm technical pencil. I like graphite realism
drawing because I can use just one
single pencil to create millions of
different textures", Paul says.

Paul's work is so realistic he finds people
do not believe it is not a photograph. "Unless
people see me draw they do not believe it
can be real so I made a video
of me working".

SEVERAL
DUMPSTERS

NINE NINE NINE

Today is 09/09/09. And of course in the morning
there was the 09.09.09 09/09/09 moment as well.

Here's a few things that have excited the marketing
men more than numerologists!

PS: Experts, and I would use the word very loosely
in this case!, who predicted doomsday would fall
on June 6 2006 weren't wrong, they just got their
numbers upside down. 999 is far worse than
666 and we're all going to die, it appears.

HOW DO I SUE?

I couldn't believe my ears yesterday while listening to
the news: because the backlog of mail sitting in the
sorting offices around country (20 million items
in London alone!) is now so bad they're actually
going to "have to" destroy some of it!

Excuse me?! What right does the Royal Mail have to get
rid of our property?! They've effectively stolen our post
and now, because of their own inefficiency, are
threatening to just chuck it or burn it or
whatever. Unbelievable!

How do I sue the pants of them because I sure
as hell I'm not going to take this lying down!

I'm not even waiting for any parcels or anything
important but it would be nice to get my magazines
etc. I can only imagine what it must like for
small business and the like who rely
heavily on the post. Nightmare.

BAD GOOD TV

I'm a person who luxuriates by watching bad TV
that's so bad it's actually good. I admit it.
It's my thing, let it go.

Now that my favourite of recent years, The Girls Next Door,
is no more, I've turned my attention to Rock of Love
Bus With Bret Michaels, the third attempt of the
Poison frontman trying to find the
woman of his dreams.

It's just genius, he gets a truckload, or in this case two buses
full of poon to bang for no effort whatsoever and the
girls get...well, their 15 minutes of fame.

One of the production companies involved is called
Mindless Entertainment...that about says it all.

The other series I'm about to start to follow is
RuPaul's Drag Race where the world's number
one Drag Queen RuPaul puts other "girls"
through their paces to win the accolade of
"America's next drag superstar".

Ooh, it doesn't get much
better than this!

STRONGLY WORDED
EMAILS

I am so fecking fed up with this frickin country
and it's crap companies, once again!

When I came back from holiday I paid my credit card off in full on 26.8. It was due 4.9 so plenty of time for the payment to get there. Barclays, the COTU (Cunts Of The Universe), once again, surprise surprise, failed to make
the payment from my account!!!

So I got slapped with a £12 late payment fee by
the credit card company and £6.22 interest!

This is the second or third time this year alone, I've lost
count how many late payment fees I've had to cough up
to various credit card companies because
of their cock-ups!

And I don't even use the time facility on the on-line
banking page where you can nominate a specific date for
the payment to be made - I always use the "immediately"
option, which, in my book should mean the fucking
bill gets paid there and then! I suppose it is MY fault
for not checking that it has actually gone through
but you know what, I shouldn't have to!!!

The other company that is driving me barmy at the moment
is good old Royal (read "Crap") Mail. Not only have they've
been on strike on and off most of the summer but for
the last couple of weeks our normal delivery guy
has been on holiday/away and the casual guy just
can't be arsed to bring any mail around. In the last
13 (delivery) days we've had mail on TWO, yes,
T-W-O days!!! And it's been 2-3 letters.
It is beyond a joke.

So first thing this morning I sent a very strongly worded
email to Barclays informing them that if they do not sort
their shitty on-line banking system out I am saying
arrividerci, baby, after 20 years. I know it means
diddly squat to them, one customer here or
there is not going to make any difference to their
billions they've got hoarded away on high
interest offshore accounts.

The main thing is the bosses get their million pound
plus bonuses and the customer can in
fact take a long walk off a short
pier and basically fuck off.

And the second email went to Royal Mail. For chrissake,
I'm going to sue you bastards for stealing/kidnapping
my mail if the deliveries do not get
back to normal and soon!

I can't even imagine how big a pile of our mail there must
be in the Wimbledon sorting office where out post
comes from! Magazines, parcels...bills! It's a good job
you can check most of your bills on-line these days,
otherwise we'd be cream crackered.

Both firms: Sort it out.
Simple as.

CATS AND DOGS
OF THE WEEK IV

Again it's 20 weeks since I last made a
montage of all the Cats and Dogs
Of The Week so here they are.

(Please click on the images
to view larger version.)

THE DARK
SIDE

OUT OF THE
SHADOWS

Look at these stunning pictures of snow leopards
in India's Hemis National Park by
photographer Steve Winter.

Snow leopards don't care much for company. So to get close,
Steve deployed a series of camera traps that automatically
snapped pictures whenever an animal crept near.

The result is a set of intimate portraits that expands our
vision of a legendary recluse. "I sometimes dislike
camera traps because they don't always reflect
my vision," Steve says. "But maybe that's
because the animal itself takes the pictures!"
As few as 3,500 of these endangered
cats survive in the wild at Central
Asia's mountains.

WHERE ARE YOU,
NESSIE?

Since it was first brought to the world's attention in 1933
- in an image that was later revealed as a hoax - there
have been numerous sightings of the mysterious
Scottish aquatic creature in Loch Ness.

Nessie enthusiasts refer to the animal as a plesiosaur -
an aquatic reptile that appeared at the start of
the Jurassic period and is widely
believed to be extinct.

At the end of August a security guard even claimed to have
spotted the beast on Google Earth (above). But a
whole host of scientific evidence has dismissed
it as nothing more than wishful thinking, which
leads to the question: why are we so determined
to prove the Loch Ness monster exists?

The Google Earth image could have been a boat
(below) which regularly tours the loch.

The image, which can be seen by entering coordinates
Latitude 57°12'52.13"N, Longitude 4°34'14.16"W
in Google Earth, depicts a large object resembling
a sea creature clearly visible beneath or
on the surface of the water.

Adrian Shine, a researcher on the Loch Ness
project, called the new images "really intriguing"
and said they deserved further study.

Following the report Google announced that its
specially altered trike camera which is able to
take eye-level images of areas that are inaccessible
to Street View's camera cars - would
be sent to Loch Ness.

The Loch Ness Monster remains a subject of mass intrigue
and debate. Scientists have widely written off the
idea as a modern-day myth and continued
sightings as set ups and wishful thinking.

Yet it has remained a contested phenomenon for almost
80 years. There have been a number of searches for
the creature. The most recent was in 2008
when scientists used sonar and underwater
cameras in an attempt to find the animal.

Earlier this year it was reported that climate
change may have killed the Loch Ness Monster.
There have been "no "credible sightings"
of Nessie for over a year.

Veteran American monster hunter Bob Rines (above)
thinks environmental conditions in the Highland
loch have changed and can no longer
sustain the elusive reptile.

And talking of monsters, check out the
Top ten list (inc. Nessie) of weird
creatures you should see.

SMOKING
ART

Check out these amazing shots by Will Cook,
a psychotherapist from Bedford
Hills, New York.

He produces these stunning images by photographing
plumes of smoke from burning Joss Sticks. Will gives
them a gentle tap to make the smoke "dance and
swirl" before taking dozens of pictures per minute.

He uses Photoshop to bring the smoke to life by adding
colour and slightly altering the shapes. Once he identifies
an image in the smoke, he edits parts of the
vapours to accentuate the shape.

He said: "I think people are enchanted by the different
shapes and are amazed that it is just smoke. To
see smoke frozen in time like this is something
people don't often see because it is
normally fluid in movement."

Smoke isn't the only element Will works with.
He uses water droplets to create
these beautiful shots.

RALPH'S NEW
SUIT

Aah, bless!

A bald penguin called Ralph is enjoying a new lease of life
at a Hampshire wildlife park after being fitted
with his own tailor-made wetsuit.

Unlike the rest of the colony of Humboldt penguins,
which lose their old feathers gradually, nine-year-old
Ralph's always fall out in one day.

It leaves him at severe risk of sunburn and he
faced being kept indoors for three weeks
until his new set had grown.

David White, assistant manager of Penguin World at
Marwell, near Winchester, said: "Ralph is perfectly
healthy so we don't know why his
feathers all drop out at once."

He and his colleagues had thought about covering
him in suncream but decided it
would wash off in water.

Then they hit on the wetsuit idea and fashioned
him the rubber outfit from the
leg of a man's wetsuit.

"Ralph must be the first scuba penguin but he
seems so at ease that we've been thinking maybe
we should get him a mask and snorkel
as well," said Mr White.

Keeper Helen Jeffreys added: "Ralph's really taken
to his new suit. It's not inhibiting him in any way.
He's just getting on with his daily business. All the
other penguins were intrigued by his new clothes
and they spent a good while checking him out.
But when they realised it was still Ralph under
the suit they seemed quite happy and don't
really pay it any attention any more."

ANNOYING

Being subjected to a chav shouting ("chickeeeeen!) at
someone on the next aisle but standing ten inches
from my ear today in a supermarket I can safely
say that idiots are the number one thing
annoying me on a daily basis!

A food company has made a list of the 100
most annoying things based
on a poll of Britons.

Chavs, tailgaters and people with bad body
odour topped a table of 100 of the
nation's annoyances.

Other pet hates in the top 10 included people who eat
with their mouth open (50 %), rude shop assistants
(50 %), foreign call centres (49 %), stepping
in dog dirt (49 %), people who cough without
covering their mouths (49 %), slow internet
connections (49 %) and poor
customer service (47 %).

Lactofree's Annual Intolerance Survey also found 79 per
cent of people were wound up easily by the little things
in life, with 65 per cent driven to distraction. On
average people find themselves getting peed off
more than three times a day and half of all
respondents said they were likely to turn into
a grumpy old man or woman.

Samantha Glassford, a brand manager said: "This survey
shows how intolerant we are as a nation, and how
even the smallest of things annoy us - especially
when, for many, their annoyances are driving
them to distraction. This year the poll has
shown how especially irritated we are by
other people and their bad habits and how
surprisingly low a nationwide burden
such as the recession came in the
annoyance list."

Top 20 most annoying things:

1. Chavs

2. People driving close behind you

3. People who smell

4. People who eat with their mouth open

5. Rude shop assistants

6. Foreign call centres

7. Stepping in dog poo

8. People who cough and do
not cover their mouths

9. Slow internet connections

10. Poor customer service

11. Dog owners that don't clean
up after their dog

12. Noisy Eaters

13. Cold-callers

14. Door-to-door salesman

15. Stubbing your toe

16. Bullying

17. Computer crashing losing work
you've spent three hours doing

18. People who talk loudly
on their mobile phones

19. Spam email

20. The nation's obsession
with Z-list celebrities

For the last 80 have a
look in HERE.

SUNSET OF
THE WEEK

OUCHY BLEEDY

FLASH
FORWARD

I've just seen an ad for a new sci-fi series called
Flash Forward which is coming to
channel Five soon.

It looks brilliant and like the announcer on
Five said it's going to be "like TV crack".
I sure as hell will clued to the screen!

What if you saw your future 6 months from now?
A glimpse of where you will be and who you will be
with. Would you look forward to what was
coming...or would you try to stop it?

A mysterious global event causes everyone to black out
simultaneously for two minutes and seventeen seconds,
and each person sees a glimpse of their lives six
months from now. When they wake up, everyone
is left wondering if what they saw
will actually happen.

Los Angeles FBI Agent Mark Benford (Joseph Fiennes) is
desperate to uncover why this happened and who or
what is behind it. Everyone starts asking "What
did you see?" As Mark and his team struggle to
figure out what caused this bizarre event, they
begin to piece together the future by creating a
huge database of people's flash forwards from
all over the world - The Mosaic Collective.

No one knows what these flash forwards mean or exactly
what the future really holds. But it is clear that across
the globe people who've never met will somehow
be intimately connected and will have an impact
on each others lives in the next six months.

Adapting award-winning author Robert J. Sawyer's
revolutionary novel, the makers of this new thriller
invite you to embark on a journey to answer
the question, "if you knew what your
future held, what would you do?"

SURYIA AND
ROSCOE

Aah, how cute!

In the pantheon of animal odd couples,
these two belong up there with
Kermit and Miss Piggy!

Suryia the Orangutan and Roscoe the Blue Tick
hound have been fast friends (video) ever since
they met at an animal sanctuary in South
Carolina two years ago.

Roscoe was an underfed stray, but Suryia quickly took him
under his wing. Dr. Bhagavan Antle, founder of The
Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species
in Myrtle Beach said that Roscoe followed him
and Suryia through the park's gate one day.

"As soon as Suryia saw Roscoe he ran over and
they started playing. It was unusual because dogs
are usually scared of primates but they took
to each other straight away."

After a few unsuccessful phone calls to find
an owner, Antle said they decided
to let Roscoe stay.

Now the the pair have a ball frolicking around the
park. "They spend a few hours each day together
rolling around, swimming," Antle said. "Suryia
takes Roscoe for walks around the enclosure
and even feeds him some of his
monkey biscuits."

RIP
CHANEL

Remember Chanel, the world's
oldest dog?

Well unfortunately she has hung up her
designer goggles and moved up to
Doggie Heaven.

Chanel died last Friday aged 21 (147 in "dog years"),
said owners Denice and Karl Shaughnessy, at
her home in suburban New York state.

But there are rival contenders for Chanel's title -
including Max, a dog in Louisiana whose owner,
Janelle Derouen, has submitted documentation
to Guinness apparently showing that he is 26.

CASPER THE
COMMUTER

A cat has become such a well-known user of a
Devon bus service that its drivers know
where to let him off.

Casper the commuter has been queuing with other
passengers to get the number three service from
his home in Plymouth for months, bus
company First said.

He often sits in the queue and then quietly pads on
board and curles up on a seat for the ride.

Casper's owner Susan Finden, 55, picked him from
a rescue home in 2002. She said he had always been a
free spirit. She named the adventurous feline
after Casper the Friendly Ghost, as he has a
habit of wandering off.

A spokesman for First said that drivers had been
bussing Casper around for months, but Mrs Finden
said she had only just found out about his
use of public transport. "He does love people,
and I don't know what the attraction
is but he loves big vehicles
like lorries and buses."

The drivers let him ride free with a
special Bus Puss as he is over
a certain age.

AUDIOLOGY
PART IV

The never ending (or so it feels!)
ears saga continues.

I had the Vestibular Balance Test today at
St Georges Hopspital in Tooting and I'm due
back next Friday for a consultation with the
audiologist I saw in April. I've also finally
managed to get appointment for
physiotherapy in October.

I had various tests. The calibration test evaluates rapid
eye movements. The tracking test evaluates movement
of the eyes as they follow visual target. The positional
test measures dizziness associated with positions
of the head. The caloric test measures responses
to warm and cold water circulated through a
small, soft tube in the ear canal.

I was strapped into a rotational chair (above) that looks
like something out of a NASA test centre! The purpose
of the chair testing is to determine whether dizziness
is due to a disorder of inner ear or brain. There are
three parts to the test: the chair test, the optokinetic
test and the fixation test. The rotational chair
tests for dizziness by recording eye movement
(nystagmus) while the chair is moved
in various ways and the subject
looks at different lights.

The caloric test (above) is the weirdest of all. You lie down
on a sort of dentist chair and hot water is flushed
into yours ears one at a time for 30 seconds
and after that you have to stare straight on in
the dark for another 30 seconds. Then the
test is repeated with cold water.

The two audiologists I saw today were friendly and
funny so the whole experience was quite pleasant.
I'm just waiting for this weird pressure from the
water in my ears to fade and my hearing
to come back 100%!

BUT IT'S...

BLING

I've never been one to pimp my outfts
with all things bling.

I don't even have any gold jewellery (I'm a silver girl)
as you need either a Dale Winton tan or naturally
dark skin to carry it off properly. Let's face it,
the Argos-hoop-sovereign look from the
depths Mitcham is just naff.

But having found this little gem of a bag in my favourite
High Street cheapo bonanza Primark I have
discovered a new fondness for sparkly things!

And for the bargain price of £7! What's
next? A gold belt? Shoes? A hat? (!)
Who knows where it will end!

THE TUDORS

I can't wait for the fourth and final season of The Tudors,
one my all time favourite epic period sagas starring
Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry VIII.

The 10 one-hour episodes to be aired in the spring of 2010
will center on his tumultuous relationships with his
last two wives, Catherine Howard and Catherine
Parr, and his final descent into madness.

The third season is on BCC2 at the moment and boy is
it good. It's worth tuning in on Friday nights just to
see the easy on the eyes Henry Cavill as
Charles Brandon get more and more
handsome by each episode!

HEATHCLIFF, IT'S
ME - CATHY

I'm not too keen on periods dramas ala Jane Austen
where women in straw hats wander aimlessly
around moist meadows whilst waiting for
their knight in shining jodhpurs.

However a new version of the Emily Brontë classic
Wuthering Heights caught my eye on ITV and as
it turns out it was bloody excellent.

The casting is perfect, especially the gorgeous
Tom Hardy as the brooding and ardent
Heathcliff. Recommended.

PS: To get you in the mood check out the
1979 Kate Bush hit of the same name.

CLARKSON
BEAT BOX

Check out this hilarious video of
Jeremy Clarkson in action.

Did you know that, in addition to being a
motormouthed TV host in regrettable denim,
he's also a highly-skilled beatboxer?

You probably didn’t know that, because he isn't. However
it hasn't stopped a man by the name of swede mason
creating an impressive 3-minute beatbox epic
stitched together from the various noises
Clarkson makes on the show.

The video, which also acts as a useful compendium of
the faces Clarkson pulls when driving, is a symphony
of beats, screams, yelps, explosion noises and
the repeated use of the phrase "powerslide".

The beatbox master from New Cross in
London has also made a clip of
"Phillip Schofield On Crack."

PHOTOBOMB

I love this photo of a squirrel who "photobombed"
this couples holiday shot!

Melissa Brandts says: "My husband and I were exploring
Lake Minnewanka in Banff National Park, Canada, in
August 2009 when we stopped for a timed picture
of the two of us. We had our camera set up on some
rocks and were getting ready to take the picture
when this curious little ground squirrel appeared,
became intrigued with the sound of the focusing
camera and popped right into our shot! A once
in a lifetime moment! We were laughing about
this little guy for days!"

There is a whole website decicated to the art
of photobombing which is telling the
photojackers of the world to unite!

RUNNING AROUND LIKE
A CLOWN ON PURPOSE

I've never been a great fan of Mika but his new
tune We Are Golden is growing on me!

The hyperactive video is great and
goes well with the song.

REALITY BITES

Reality. Oh.

Piles of washing. Letterbox full of bills.
The garden looks like a scene from Tarzan.

Why is it always so hard coming back from
hols? And I don't even have to go
to work in some shitty office
and be doubly pissed off!

Well, it's called Holiday Blues and I sure as
hell aren't the only one going down with
it every time the plane touches
the tarmac back home.

Best way to avoid it ... plan more holidays! I already have
Lisbon and Prague booked and Berlin and Paris
in the pipeline. Then Budabest, Madrid, Rome.
Tokyo...New York....oh....the list is endless!

My bedside table is piled high with well thumbed
guidebooks which send me to all of these
places in my dreams every night.

Just have to learn to cultivate the elusive
Money Tree. Or win the lottery.