I've been collecting my favourite quotes (from films, song lyrics etc.) on my facebook page for a few years so I thought I'll stick them in here too.

Let's start with one of my own:

"I must've looked miserable yesterday as a builder decided to share his wisdom with me: "Cheer up love - it might never happen!" so I just said "Oh sweetheart, it happened the day you were born".

* * *

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

(J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 26)

* * *

Giles Prentice: I don't know what's scarier, losing nuclear weapons, or that it happens so often there's actually a term for it . . .

(Broken Arrow, 1996)

* * *

"I guess I should have known 
By the way you parked your car sideways 
That it wouldn't last"

(Prince, "Little Red Corvette")

* * *

Unknown: Life will never be perfect so stop trying to make it so. Happiness comes not from having what you want but from wanting what you have - and you have more than enough to satisfy your needs, your desires and aspirations.

Kaffee: Whoa. Hold it. We gotta take a boat?

Barnes: Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay.

Kaffee: Nobody said anything about a boat.

Barnes: Is there a problem, sir?

Kaffee: No, no problem. I'm just not that crazy about boats, that's all.

Galloway: Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you're in the Navy for crying out loud.

Kaffee: Nobody likes her very much.

Barnes: Yes, sir!

( A Few Good Men, 1992)

* * *

Dino: You and me - we open our own shop. I run New York, you run London. We meet once a month in the Caymans to visit our money . . .

Terry: I don't know if I want you visiting my money . . .

(Proof of Life, 2000)

* * *

Darwin Mayflower: I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career!

(Hudson Hawk, 1991) 

Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never go full retard.

Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?

Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. He was a God damn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes? You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam." Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed . . .

(Tropic Thunder, 2008)


Virgil: [finishes talking to Lindsey Brigman on the intercom] God, I hate that bitch!

Alan "Hippy" Carnes: Probably shouldn't have married her then, huh?

(The Abyss, 1989)

* * *

Assistant: I downloaded Angry Birds for you.

JR: I don't need any more angry birds . . .

(Dallas, 2012)

* * *

Whistler: I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men.

Bernard Abbott: We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing!

(Sneakers 1992)

* * *

The heart breaks
Way before the habit

And if you don't quit
You'll never get over

If you don't quit
You'll never get out

And you're always
Gonna be an addict

The heart breaks
Way before the habit

(Lissie "The Habit" 2013)

* * *

Natasha Romanoff: It’s really not that complicated. I’ve got red in my ledger, I’d like to wipe it out.

Loki: Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov’s daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire? Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping- it’s gushing red and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer. Pathetic! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you and they will never go away. I won’t touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you! Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear. And then he’ll wake just long enough to see his good work and when he screams, I’ll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!

(Avengers Assemble, 2012) 

Mona Lisa Vito: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!

Vinny Gambini: And why not? What is positraction?

Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.

Vinny Gambini: Is that it?

Mona Lisa Vito: No, there's more! You see? When the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60's, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, width, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.

Vinny Gambini: And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint?

Mona Lisa Vito: They were!

Vinny Gambini: Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very, very much. You've been a lovely, lovely witness.

(My Cousin Vinny, 1992)

* * *

This is so far off the record even I don't know I'm saying it!

(Babylon, Channel 4, 2014)

* * *

Ooh, the bible! You know . . . I remember when this first came out. 
Didn't think it would be a hit.

(Earl, 2 Broke Girls, 2013) 

Max: Earl, would you like a cat?

Earl: Hell no! Cats steal your weed!

(2 Broke Girls, 2013) 

 Max: I'm so many kinds of bitches I've lost count!

(2 Broke Girls, 2012)

Sophie: "Oh Earl! You make me smile. I wish we had black  
people in Poland when I was growing up."

Earl: "Too bad. We really would've enjoyed segregation and Hitler."

(2 Broke Girls, 2012)

 * * * 

Billy Lamb: I thought you were trying to quit (smoking)?

Caroline Warwick QC: Yeah. I'm down to two lighters a day.

(Silk, 2013)

* * *

Ian Fletcher: "You're not listening to us"

Siobhan Sharpe: “I totally am listening  . . . what it is, 

you guys aren’t saying the right stuff.”

(W1A, 2014)

* * *

"But I got my fingers in the cookie jar -
I ain't got the time . . ."

(Kevin Rudolf, "Living It Up", 2008)

* * *

Samantha: Oh look! Seamen!

Miranda: When I turn around they'd better be sailors there - 

because with her you never know ...

(Sex And The City, "Anchors Away", 2002)

* * *

Frasier: Do you remember that Xmas - mum got him the "Invisible Man And Woman" - you had to put all the internal organs in the right place?

Martin: All I remember is you two fighting over it ...

Frasier: Well Niles was getting on my nerves, I had to go and steal his ovaries!

Daphne: (Walks into the room) Now there's a conversation I'm glad I missed the beginning of!

(Frasier,"An Affair To Forget", 1995)

* * *

(Nile's maid translates what Maris' German fencing instructor is saying by translating it into Spanish which Frasier translates into English for Niles. Niles gets the wrong idea from an misinterpretation)

Niles: En garde! 

Frasier: Oh yes, Niles, that's just what we need, a fourth language! 

 (Frasier,"An Affair To Forget", 1995)

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